just thinking.

so as i'm sitting here writing this, i'm kinda in a weird place. first of all my wrist is killing me. i played tug of war at kids church this morning. it was me and adina against caleb and spencer. of course they won and i tore up my wrist in the process. so it's swollen and red, definitely gonna be bruised tomorrow. but i'm also in another weird spot. i just got home from a FQ meeting at the church. i went in after kids church and saw amanda and martha but as i got closer i saw david sitting next to martha. so i asked if they saved a seat for me and they did. so i went and sat by david. i didn't get nervous or have butterflies being around him, which is a good thing. but while i was sitting there i couldn't help but think of what it would be like to be in a relationship with him. i find myself thinking about that every time i'm around him. i think it's hard because i had such strong feelings for him and i thought about being with him a lot that i still think about it. but i don't like him anymore. don't get me wrong david is an amazing guy and i would be so lucky to have him as a husband. but i feel like we aren't right for each other. i just think that our personalities are too much alike. it's good that we like the same things but i think we're both too loud and outspoken and we goof off too much. we both need someone a little calmer than us to keep us under control. lol. i do believe that david and i are just meant to be friends. he's a great guy and i love being around him, i always have fun and laugh until i'm crying and can't breath. but then it's almost like we need to try to have a good friendship. well at least i feel like i need to try. cause we only hang out at church stuff. but i think we should hang out other times too cause we always have so much fun together. i feel like he could be one of my best friends (sarah would probably kill me for saying that). but i really do. i think that we've, well at least i, have gotten past the liking stage and am ready to just be friends with him. i don't know where he's at in his feelings for me. sometimes i still feel like he likes me, other times i can just see that we're friends. i dunno. it's confusing and annoying. i thought this was over when i stopped liking him but surprise surprise it's not. i dunno i just need to give the situation up to God and not worry about it.